Self Improvement Information

Yesterday, after I had finished my work day, I sat down to relax.  I was catching up on a bit of news.  I know that sounds like an oxymoron, relaxing and news.  I like to stay informed on current issues, without getting sucked into over focusing.  I was watching the reports on Haiti.  It breaks my heart to see their pain and suffering.

It got me to thinking about the rescue workers and doctors that are willing to risk their life to help others.  They are in peril of being buried alive, themselves, by aftershocks along with other dangers. Why would anyone put themselves in so much danger for people they don’t know?  It brought me back to a quote from Dr. Gary Chapman, “At the end of the journey the most satisfied people in the world are people who gave their lives away to serve others.”

Dr. Chapman talks about this very thing in his 6Th point about generosity.  A loving person is willing to give money, time, and their abilities to help other people.  We are seeing people like that in these rescue workers and doctors.  They are willing to run into a collapsed building, not concerned with their own safety, to rescue strangers who desperately need them.  As Albert Schweitzer said after he had received his Nobel Peace Prize, “One thing I know.  The only ones among you that will be truly happy are those that have sought and found how to serve.”

Love is an amazing thing.  It is the most powerful emotion ever given to mankind from our creator.  It is the great healer.  We, as human beings, can not be happy without it in our lives.  Our deepest satisfactions in life come from our relationships with others.

In our world today, does love stand a chance?  I think by watching this tragedy in Haiti we could all agree that love is our only chance.  Today’s video is part 2 of “Love as a Way of Life“.  His talk today is a little over 9 minutes of pure wisdom.  By the end of the video I hope you will know why we need love in our lives and in our world.  It is the cure for what ails us.

If you found this valuable pass it on to your network of family, friends and associates.

As I travel through life, I have had the opportunity to meet and get to know scores of people.  One of the things I have come to believe is that our relationships with other people enrich our lives.  I have known people from every walk of life and every religion.  One thing we all have in common is our need to feel and give love.  We live, and we would die, for those we love.

Each one of us has a need for connections with others.  Some of us are better at making those connections.  Most of the people that I have encountered who seem to have an easy, almost effortless, connection with others have something in common.  They love people.  Not only do they love people, they are loving people.

I am blessed to be married to one of those people.  I can’t express to you how much I have learned from him.  I have watched him interact with people and he treats them with love and care.

I grew up in a home where there was such a disconnection from others. Anger was always present in our home.  Hurt feelings and misunderstands ran deep. My parents always fought loudly.  Broken dishes and angry words seemed to prevail in their marriage.  I grew up wondering how long they could possible stay together.  I always expected them to eventually divorce.  Believe it or not, they are still together after 64 years!  They still don’t get along, but I have come to understand, that is their dance.  They are comfortable with it.

What makes a loving person?  As Gary Chapman would say, “Love is a cluster of traits.”  I believe that is true.  I came across this 2 part video from a speech that Gary Chapman gave about his book, “Love as a Way of Life.“  In these 2 videos, he talks about the 7 characteristics of a loving person.

Why should we want to be more loving people?  What would be the point of understanding and incorporating these 7 points into our lives?  In essence, why be a lover?

If we could understand more about how to be a loving person, could we use that to create better relationships?  If we enjoyed better relationships, would we be happier people?  If we understood people, had better connections in our relationships, could we create a better world?  These are questions only you can answer.  As Gary says in these videos, “You are here to enrich the world and you impoverish yourself if you forget that errand.”

The first video for today is a little over 7 minutes long. It covers the first 3 traits.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  Feel free to pass it on!

In the past few weeks, I have been lost in a whirlwind of activities. Very important activities, yet the feelings of frustration, depression (anger turned inward), along with other negative emotions have haunted me.  But first, let’s back up a bit.

I see myself as a very responsible and goal oriented person.  As long as I can clarify what I want and set goals for myself, I can move forward with intensity and purpose.  If I can’t do those two things I feel lost at sea without my compass.

In December of every year, I like to look back at the waning year and evaluate my progress.  Looking back on 2009, I felt I had some triumphs.  I, also, had things that didn’t move as fast as I wanted.  This evaluation process helps me set my sites and my goals for the new year.  I have several projects in the works that need my attention.  My goals are set and my compass is locked on.  Then my world turns upside down.

This past December, I took some time off to spend it with my family.  My oldest son, who is in the Marine Corp, hasn’t been home for many holidays since he went into the Corp 6 years ago.  This year, he was home!  This Christmas season was one of the best I have ever had.  I relaxed and told myself that January 1st I would hit the ground running.  Goals were in place, focus was locked on, and I was positioned for a smooth January lift off!

One of the things that I have found, out of necessity, is that I am good at coordinating the care for my 88 year old father, my 83 year old mother, and my 80 year old mother-in-law.  I jokingly refer to myself as their personal concierge.  I take them to their doctors’ appointments, I listen to the doctors and I coordinate with their caregivers,etc.  It is my labor of love and my gift to those that have given me so much.  What I didn’t count on was that they would all fall apart at the same time.  Each having their own particular physical meltdown.  Every week day in January has been spent “doctoring” and all the other things involved.  I am a well known face at the Cardiologist’s office.  My father has been hospitalized for an extended period of time, leaving my Mother alone.  I have been busy, preoccupied and suffering from a mad case of writer’s block.  Yikes!  My anticipated January progress on my goals began sinking fast!

I am an action/relationships person.  For those of you that have read the blog posts on personality traits will understand that statement.  My relationships part of my personality was in a dual to the death with the action part of me.  Internal conflict can set up a cascade of negative emotions.  I am not telling you this for sympathy, but to give you a background for the realizations I have discovered.

Discovery #1:  I don’t have to be superwoman.  The planet will not stop revolving if I don’t hit my January goals.  There is a reason for my feelings.  I need to stop and look at why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling.  It is time to step back and be the observer instead of being so emotionally involved.  Important to do, but difficult.

Discovery #2:  What paradigms and beliefs do I hold that are struggling to be noticed?  My feelings of being overwelmed need to be acknowledged.  It is easy to feel overwelmed when in the caregiver role.  It can feel like so much is being given over and over and over again.  The energy for this caregiver role seems to come straight from my heart.  It can feel as though nothing is coming back to recharge me.  The guilt for those feelings can be heavy and smothering.  Do I need to be in control of everything?  My support system is very important to me.  I don’t have to do it all.  It is ok to let my other family members carry some of the weight.  It is ok to ask for help.

Discovery #3:  I have to stop pushing and punishing myself.  It’s ok to stop and recharge without feeling guilt.  I should strive to appreciate the times that I can carve out for myself.  Take the time to do the things that recharge me; mediate, read, laugh with my family and friends.  If I go down with the guilt ship, I will sink into the sea of ill health myself.

I love this quote from Mark Twain which helps to center me: “Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth.”

I don’t claim to be an expert in this particular situation.  I am a human being experiencing life and learning what works for me.  If you have some tips for me, leave me a comment.  I discovered this wonderful article that gave me a few “Ah, hah” moments.  If you enjoy their work click over to this page to get their 3 free books.