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Archive for March, 2011

How to Beat the Evil Twin of Success Also Known as Discouragement

March 29th, 2011 No comments

Goals and dreams are exciting!  They can light up our world.  They give us a reason to put our feet on the floor every morning.  Along with goals and dreams comes the polar opposites of discouragement and failure.  Everyone, no matter who you are have been, or will be subjected to them.

The difference between our successes and failures is how we each handle discouragement.  I have a dear friend, who when faced with failure, becomes fatally discouraged and quit whatever they were doing and latch securely onto the expressions, “I can’t”, I wasn’t born to do this”, or my all time favorite (I say with all the sarcasm I can muster) “It’s always been this way, why should I change?”

I heard a speaker once say, “if someone had a gun to the head of one of your children, would you just lay down and quit, say you can’t do it and let it go?” Most of us would say, “hell no!” But, when we let our dreams and goals go without a fight and slump into fatal discouragement, isn’t that exactly what we are doing?

Someone might not be, literally, holding a gun to the head of one of children.  But if we don’t learn how to deal with frustration and discouragement isn’t that a lesson our children are learning from us, which can eventually put a stop to their dreams and goals in their lives?

Face it, our kids watch us and how we deal with love, success, freedom, discipline, discouragement and frustration, just to name a few.  We are walking, talking lessons in life, whether we like it or not.

One of things I ask myself when I’m in the throes of discouragement and despair, is my goal or objective worthy or should I let it go? The more attached I am to my goal or objective, the easier it is to say “hell no, I’m not giving up!”

The second thing I ask myself is a perspective question.  If I can get through my discouragement, in 5 years what will I remember the most? The agony of the discouragement or the thrill of victory!

The third thing I ask myself is, how can I get around my discourage, work through it, or blast it out of my way? Once my mind is made up that I’m not going to quit, the discouragement melts away.  Resolve replaces it.  Solutions become apparent.

Life is journey!  It isn’t always easy, but it is worth it.  As Bob Proctor would day,  “Lack and limitation can only exist when we make room for them in our mind.” The same is true for discouragement.  Isn’t discouragement just another lack and limitation?  Doesn’t discouragement breed a lack of motivation and limits success?  The next time you face the evil twin of success, ask yourself the three question.  You might be surprised by your answers.

If you need a little more help to relax and let go of your tension and stress, click here!

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When is Change Really Bad for Me?

March 14th, 2011 9 comments

Change can be a disquieting thing.  We have a picture, in our rec room, of the 1927 Saturday Evening Post cover with a cowboy affectionately called “Lonesome Luke”.  The caption underneath the pictures says, “Just when I learned the dance, they changed the music.” Have you ever felt like Luke?

It seems our world is rushing past us with change on ever corner.  We can feel like change is against us.  We can suffer what we perceive as “bad” life changing events, which can throw us into a tailspin of disaster!  Even with the worst changes, what makes it bad?

We would all agree, changes which lead to death and loss are not desirable.  We wouldn’t seek out the seeds of change that drops us into destruction.  They happen anyway.

Change is a constantly flowing river.  It can’t be stopped.  The only thing which can be altered about change, is the way it’s perceived.  If you can’t choose your own change, could you see it as the force to move forward? wouldn’t it be more palatable?  If you knew with every storm laden change in your life there was a silver lining, also known as a change for the better.

Change is neither good nor bad.  It just is.  How I chose to react to change defines me.  If I decide to accept every change as “somewhere in this change in my life is a kernel of good”, would it make me a Pollyanna?  Is that bad?

You may say, there isn’t anything good about a tsunami hitting the coast of Japan.  Lives were lost, property was destroyed.  All of us would agree, “that stinks”!  But, if we chose to look for the kernel of good, could we find it?  Maybe, people helping people through life changing events.  There are always miracle stories that come out of tragedy.

Life isn’t always easy. It isn’t fair. Sometimes, it isn’t even fun!  When I’ve chosen to look beyond the obvious stink factor, I’ve always found the bright kernal of success.  If you and I choose to look at any business, or life failure, as a learning experience and another way it doesn’t work, couldn’t we polish up the failure to be a bright shining star that lights the pathway to success? Kind of a change your brain, change your life” thing.  What if more people did this, could it change the world?

I’m not here to convince you to be an optimist.  Only you are in control of your predominate attitude.  What I am saying is, the next time you are down in the dumps because something failed, and the music changed, try looking for the good, that bright shiny kernel of success.  You might just find it!

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5 Tips to Overcoming the Stress of Frustration

March 8th, 2011 7 comments

Each one of us has our own relationship with the emotion of frustration.  Here’s a little secret between you and me.  If you don’t learn how to deal with frustration it can stop all your attempts to become successful.  Do you think I’m being harsh?  Let’s think about it for a moment.

Frustration is stressful.  Some people, when they become frustrated, throw up their hands and quit.  Frustration becomes personal for them.  They feel, personally, assaulted by this nameless, faceless enemy.  They move themselves into ” victim-hood”.  They don’t have the moxie or stick-to-it-ness to stay with it and conquer it.

There are people who become frustrated and instead of quitting, they realize what they are working on is worth working through their frustration and stress.

Out there in the world is another strange breed, who encounter frustration and their personal alarms go off and they become excited.  They know the reward for working through their frustration will be well worth it.

It’s like a story I heard about the fish tank and the barracuda.  If you put a barracuda in a big tank and feed him, he is an amazing and aggressive creature.  He will hit the food with all the vigor of a hungry predator.

During this experiment, we slide a glass divider down into his tank and divide the tank into 2 distinct halves.  After doing this, we drop the food into the side of the tank the barracuda doesn’t have access to.  He can see the food and he will attack just like he had before.  Whack! He runs headlong into the glass divider.  He backs up, swims again at his prey with all his might.  Smash!  Into the divider again.  After a few attempts, he will swim away and leave his food source swimming unmolested on the other side.  He will continue to ignore his food source no matter how hungry he may get.  This is a story of frustration gone bad.

I know from personal experience how upsetting frustration can be.  As you may have noticed, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted to my blog.  I’ve been very busy writing a book on elder care.  Since I’ve been actively involved in elder care for the past 15 years, I decided others could benefit from my experiences.

I haven’t had a lot of experience in the technical end of this endeavor.  Putting up the page to let everyone know about the book led me to quite a few frustrating days.  I’d never put an ebook on line before.

I’m one of those crazy nut-balls who looks at frustration as an emotion one may have to go through to reach a worthwhile goal.  Frustration doesn’t make me quit.  Sometimes, I have a fleeting moment of wanting to throw up my hands and say “enough!”  But, the little voice in my head says, “relax, regroup, it will be worth it!”

Here’s 5 tips, which work for me, on how to conquer frustration.

1.  When frustration hits, and emotions are running high, I stop what I’m doing and take a break.  For me to continue to work with this emotion unchecked is a recipe for disaster!  It’s like spinning my wheels in mud.  Lot’s of energy spent with no results.  Sometimes, my break lasts for a full 24 hours.

2.  When taking a break, I remove myself completely from the situation.  I go some place, even if it’s only into the next room, with a goal of relaxation. I meditate, listen to some relaxing music, take a hot shower, or take a walk.  Anything to take my mind completely off my subject matter and calm me down.  Many times, this alone will help me see how to fix my problem.  I know my brain is still be noodling on it, in the background, even if I have taken my attention off of it.

3.  I have adopted the “no prisoners” philosophy to my project.  I’m not going to quit the project, no matter how upset I get.  When frustration hits, I release the emotions.  Yes, sometimes I shake my fist and curse the project, stomp my feet or any other childish emotional release, but I know I will conquer this project.  Sooner or later, victory will be mine!

4.  When frustration has set in I like to bounce things off someone.  My special someone is my husband.  He may not know anything about the subject I’m frustrated with, but he let’s me talk it through.  He makes suggestions.  Even when he doesn’t know anything about the subject matter, his suggestions gets my brain going on another track.  I can’t count the number of times this tip has worked to help me bust through the frustration barrier and accomplish my goal.

5.  When I am staring through the glass barrier at my prey, and I’ve hit my head a few times.  I swim over to the side of the tank and sleep.  I take the evening off and do something fun.  I then go to sleep that night with a notebook beside my bed in which to write my thoughts down when I wake up with an “Eureka!” moment.  Some of my writings have been difficult to decipher in the morning, but many a break through has happen when I sleep.

Frustration doesn’t have to kill the project.  It can, actually, work as a learning tool.  The main ideas is, “don’t quit”.  There’s always a way through it, around it, or over it.

I’m very proud of the fact that I have my book on line.  It’s a great feeling to push past frustration and accomplish the task!  We all have ways to work through frustration.  Leave me a comment and let me know what works for you.  We can all learn from each other.

To check out my new e book, click here!

 

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