Self Improvement Information

When we are children, we are conditioned to care very deeply what the “popular kids” think of us.  Because of our deep fear of criticism starting at an early age we continue to allow ourselves to actually care what people think about us.  I believe this is one of the biggest killers of the entrepreneurial spirit.

I have spent many years of my business life in the corporate world.  I have also been blessed with many years in the entrepreneurial world.  One of the common denominators I have found, is the use of criticism is an effective tool to control people.

Today, I am going to discuss the effects of criticism on the entrepreneur.  Why would anyone want to control us with criticism?  First of all, people, including our families feel threatened if we attempt to leave the comfort of the traditional job nest. Our families and friends care about us.  They don’t want us to get hurt.  They council us not to try a business venture, not because we are unfit for the challenge, but they don’t want to see us struggle the way “Uncle Harry” did when he started his business.

Another reason for trying to convince us “that thing” won’t work is they don’t want to see us outgrow them.  If we become successful, will we have any time for them?  We could become one of those “rich people“.  If we become successful with our new venture, how will they feel about themselves?  They have chosen to stay in their present position because it is comfortable.  If you succeed, the nagging voice in their head saying, they could be more and do more with their lives, will become increasingly louder.

Many times, when we start something part-time to give us the flexibility to work at our own business without leaving the security of our full-time incomes, we can run head long into opposition from our spouses.  They don’t want to give up “cuddle time on the couch” every night for a new business that may or may not work.  They could resent the extra house work and child care that could be foisted upon them.  Maybe, they are concerned with the financial angle of a new business.

With all this against us, how do we break out and take our shot at business ownership?  I would be lying if I told you it was easy.  Our past conditioning and our desire to keep our life free of others negative opinions can really throw the breaks on!  Here’s a couple of things that work for me.

1.  When our family and friends throw up the wall of reasons why you will fail, smile.  Understand where their objection may be coming from.  They care.  Then, grow some rhino skin.  Rhino’s have incredibly thick skin.  It takes a lot to get through it.

2.  To truly be free of caring what others say, you have to come to the conclusion, it is none of your business what they think of you.  Most people are so self absorbed, 5 minutes after they talk to  you, they have forgotten about you.  They are back thinking their thoughts that revolve around themselves.

3.  Learn the art of compromises when it comes to your spouse and kids.  When they give you the opportunity to pursue something that is going to take a lot of your time, give them something in return.  Schedule them in your planner, to do something fun, as a “unbreakable appointment”.  Keep that appointment, even if the world slams to stop on its axis!

4.  Give your spouse and kids ownership in the new venture.  What I mean by this is to involve them.  Bounce ideas off your partner.  Let the kids visit your new venture.  Let them keep a success thermometer on the refrigerator.  When you have reached a predetermined measurable goal, go some place they want to go.  Even if it is only to the park, or out for ice cream.  This could be a cash flow goal or a number of new clients.  It should be something they can measure on their success-o-meter.  Watch the attitudes change!

5.  Communicate with your spouse partner the exciting and wonderful things happening in the new business.  Many times, we use our spouse as a place to dump our business poop!  Stop it! If you want a supportive partner, give them something to positively support.

Criticism can only hinder us if we allow it.  Successful people receive as much criticism, if not more, as unsuccessful people.  The difference is, they have learned to deal with it. A successful business is worth the effort.

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The path to a successful career can lead right through the dump.  When we start our careers of choice, there’s always a learning curve to contend with.  This learning curve can send us right through the dump of doubt, frustration and delays.  Wouldn’t it be amazing to decide what we are going to do, and wake up the next morning and we have arrived at our career destination!  Or does the sense of fulfillment come with the journey?

As Sherlock would say, “it’s immaterial, my dear Watson”.  We all know, it doesn’t happen that way.  There are good times and bad with any career.  Bad times are the reason that our commitment to our career is so important.  But, how can we develop the commitment to stay with our career or job when times get tough?  I think passion is the key.  If we, not only, believe in what we are doing, but if we can locate the passion element in our career choice, it will take us through the troubled times.  As Rumi writes:

“Passion makes the old medicine new:
Passion lops off the bough of weariness.
Passion is the elixir that renews:
How can there be weariness when passion is present?
Oh, don’t sigh heavily from fatigue:
Seek passion, seek passion, seek passion!”

How do we seek this mysterious thing called passion?  We must find what we believe in, or what stirs our juices.  We could call that the “crusade” of our career.  The crusade might be, showing others how to create a better life, or helping animals, or cleaning up the planet, etc.

Leaders learn to recognize the crusade. They find “the something” people can believe in and promoting that cause with passion, moving people to action.  Everyone wants to follow a man or woman who is committed to what they believe in.  People will invest hundreds of hours into volunteer work for a candidate or causes they believe in.  Warriors will give their lives for their cause and country.  Players will win the game for a coach who works them hard and inspire them to believe in themselves.

For a rewarding career, there has to more inspiration than the money you think you can make, or how fast you think you can earn it.  Those are important, but seldom do they inspire us enough to weather the storm, when we are tossed around by the rough seas of our career path.  Much less, serve to fulfill us.

We must ask ourselves, “what in our career is bigger then ourselves?”  “What moves me to action?”  When we locate the crusade in our career we will find our passion.  As leaders, we must have the goal of  finding the  “larger than us” reason for our team to follow us.

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There are many memorable moments in our lives.  To a parent, it is their child’s first steps, first tooth, or many other moments of our child’s growth.  In our business life it is when we make a total commitment to our goals and to the business that we are pursuing.

Many people  never make that important decision.  They drift through their working years going from one thing to another.  Trying a business here, and tiring of that, and moving on to another one.  It reminds me of when I was a child, and the first swim of the summer season.  My friends and I  would put our big toes in the cold water and squeal from the shock.  It seemed too brutal to just jump in, with a total commitment.  As I got older, I realized that the commitment of  jumping in, although it was a shock to my body,  saved so much time.   Even with the anticipated agony of the frigid water, once it was over, it left me so much more time to swim and enjoy the water.

I have known a lot of people, when starting a new business opportunity,  only want to put their toe in.  They refuse to immerse themselves in a total commitment.  They say, “I’m going to try this”.  What they don’t realize is that “trying” something is like attempting to drop a pencil.  You either drop it, or you don’t…there is no “try”.  “Trying” leads, almost always, to failure.

Then there are the half hearted people who really believe they are giving a commitment to something.  At the first sign of  the pain in a challenge, all you can see is their dust as they fly down the road to the next business or opportunity.

Commitments are life changing.  When we truly commit to something, we give it our all!  Fulfilling marriages are not made by bolting at the first sign of trouble.  Marriage, as anything else, has its painful moments.  Some of the happiest couples have worked through some of the worst pain in their marriage.

Succeeding in business is much the same.  There are painful moments in any business, whether you are an employee or an entrepreneur.  The most successful people I know in the business world had to slog through some of the toughest challenges imaginable.  They made a commitment.   They got tough.  They planted their feet, burned their bridges and committed wholeheartedly to success.

My advice is to jump into the freezing water of your business with a total commitment.  If you make a total commitment and you fail….you fail.  Dust yourself off and go at it again.  Don’t waste time licking your wounds.  Successful people fail fast, and fail forward.  Meaning, they embrace their failures for the lessons they bring.  Get back in the game, and use those lessons to, once again, commit to the success in their future.