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How Do I Practice Positive Parenting? Tip 2

October 6th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments
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350px-Solar_sysIt is a very busy world today.  We have more modern conveniences and less time.  How did that happen?  The world is moving so fast.  Families are caught up in whirl winds of activities.  Quite a few families have both parents working. Then, there are after school activities such as dance and sports.  It becomes more difficult to keep our focus on our positive parenting.

Being married with children is much more difficult in this day and age.  Somehow, there has been a shift from the center of the family nucleus being the parents and their relationship to the center being the children.  I know that statement alone is going to upset many people.  Our children have become the main reason for the family unit.  When the children leave the nest and the parents experience “empty nest” it is so devastating that some marriages don’t make through it in tact.  This metamorphosis of the family needs to be made, so the children can become parents on their own.

Our relationships with our partners is the #1 priority in the family.  It doesn’t matter if you have only been married once or if you have a blended family.  You may disagree, but let me explain why I say this.  The marital relationship is like the sun and should be the center of the family solar system.  The children should be the planets that are orbiting that sun.  If the roles are switched and the children are everything that we focus on and they are “our sun”, when they leave, much like the death of the sun, the gravitational pull disintegrates, and the planets (the marriage of the parents), are left drifting in space without much in common beyond the kids.  Or, they blow apart, and that is the end of the marriage.  Many marriages that are children centered do not survive “empty nest syndrome”.

How do we stop this from happening?  The only way is to make our marriage the #1 priority.  Right now, I may have upset you.  Please hear me out.  Making the marriage the #1 priority doesn’t mean we ignore our children.  Quite the contrary.  Our children benefit from this the most.  When we show our children a healthy marriage where the parents love and respect each other, and are each other’s best friends, we are setting an example for them to follow as they make their own way in the world with their own marriages.

Here’s a few ways to refocus back on our marriage:

1.  Take time every day to talk with your partner about things other than your children.  I know that it is very hard to have common ground when both parents are going two separate ways in their careers every day. 

2.  Make time every week for a special “date night” with your partner.  Children are not invited.  This is Mom and Dad time.  This might be a time to share a common interest; dancing, bowling, or movies.  Depending on your budget you can find the right activity for the right price.  Going for a walk together is very inexpensive, especially if you can have the children at Grandma’s or a friend that you trade babysitting time with. 

3.  When it is possible, take a weekend away just the two of you.  I suggest that you actually leave town for this one.  It is too easy to become wrapped up in family drama if you are in town.

4.  Hold hands again.  Court each other.  Do you remember what it felt like when you were so in love with your partner that you couldn’t wait to be reunited at the end of the day?  Send flowers, plant love notes in briefcases where it will be found when your partner is not with you.  Do the things that you did to win your partner’s love in the first place.

5.  Most of all, have fun!  This is not a death march, this is a fun and loving marriage between two people that have children.

I love my children.  They mean the world to me.  But, my life is with my husband.  My children are all out of the house and on their own.  Empty nest for us is an exciting adventure.  We were ready to be just the two of us…..and the dog….again.  We still do lots of things with the family.  Except for our son who is in the Marine Corp., our kids live in the same town with us and we see them almost daily.  The only one my husband plays second fiddle to is my relationship with my creator.  Life is good!

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